When I was in my twenties, I was convinced that I was unattractive…I was too tall, my skin wasn’t smooth enough, my hair wasn’t pretty, my hips were too big…you name it and I didn’t like it about myself. I would walk around in public and people would stare. I truly believed they were staring and making fun of my looks. Funny thing is, I was a professional model at the time and being paid to walk the runway modeling clothes, bridal gowns, bathing suits, etc. I know. My feelings of inadequacies didn’t make sense given my “model” status. But I was sad all the time. I didn’t really know who I was or what I stood for because I was so busy worrying about how I looked.
One day I decided I had to stop being so sad. My negative thoughts were all-consuming and I was a downer to be around. So I made a conscious decision to change. I thought about how good I felt up on the runway. I was in charge up there. I commanded the audience. I felt admired up there. So why couldn’t I transform that feeling of power into my everyday life?
I will never ever forget the day I tried this new technique. I believe it was around 1986 and I was walking in the Hanover Mall from one store to another. Being in public always made me feel the most vulnerable. As I walked up the mall, I imagined I was on the runway. Shoulders back, head held high, eyes focused straight ahead. This time when people stared, I forced myself to believe they were admiring my beauty, not making fun of me. It was so hard. But when I left the mall it was a small victory. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was in control and more importantly, I realized I didn’t care what people thought of me. All that mattered is what I thought. What a freeing revelation!
Believe me, it took many more times of practicing this new mindset before I truly felt confident. But the important part is that I tried. It was I who made the change and to this day, I am still very proud of myself for doing it. Now I know I’m beautiful not because of the way I look but because of the strong, capable and kind woman that I am.
I AM invincible!
Maria Wood
Founder, Fashion Focus Program
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